Reflection

Now that I’m an adult with children of my own I am better able to make sense of the way my parents chose to raise me. They had one biological son and they adopted me. I believe they adopted for the wrong reasons and were totally unprepared for what they were getting themselves into. They did maintain strict rules, taught manners and made sure I wanted for nothing money could buy. My brother was always treated much different. Completely different rules, standards…everything. I had chores that included cleaning each room of the house including my brothers and parents. I did dishes nightly, trash, dusted and vacuumed 3 times a week, wad in charge of laundry and mowed the lawn. My brother had none. As soon as I was old enough I started working in the summers and weekends. I was not allowed to go many places because they pinned me as a trouble maker. I was never in trouble in school or with the authorities. When I was little and would cry and miss my mom, I was told not to feel sorry for myself because I wasn’t the only one in the world going through it. These actions are starkly different from what our church peers saw, or anyone looking in from the outside. It wasn’t till later in life that I had a chance to speak with some people who were close to our family that I finally realized I wasn’t the only one who thought I was being treated unfairly. I don’t think I was treated this way on purpose, but when they were confronted something should have changed. Now as an adult the relationship is hardly recognizable and they have no real interest in mine or their grandchildren. It’s sad but I forgive them.

To defy or define?

Writing has always been something I wanted to do. Poetry, books anything really. Like so many of us life often takes us in another direction. It’s always when there though. It’s brought me here. After living my life with the ferocity of a natural disaster and finally entering the calm of the storm, I feel this may be a great next step. An indefinite biography, a documentation of life experience and inexperience. I’ve experienced a lot in 33 years but, haven’t really done anything I thought I would. Polar opposite actually. Multiple families growing up, teenage pregnancy, addiction, self indulgence, being homeless, employment, college, marriage, children, mental health problems. You name it. I have learned so much but, in great need of more knowledge. I want to better myself. Help others. Share my story. Hopefully someone will listen.
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